Happy, Happy Friday!!

Uh oh..today is Thursday....It is MY Friday though. I am on vacation starting, technically, at 4:30pm today..

I don't have much in the way of plans to do anything other than head to the river for a few days to soak up some fun in the sun.

I have my essenstials

 

And not to worry...

I have my trusty side kick to save me from peril

 

Well...looks like he had way too much fun.

 

There is always a plan C when going on a river adventure

 

But before I can begin anything remotely in the shape of fun.......I think I need to go bathing suit shopping first.

 

 

 

I will be in and out for the next week and have no idea if I will get to catch up with anyone or have time to post.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and a Happy 4th!!!!

I do have to wish my youngest daughter happy birthday.  She will be 17 on July 3rd

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLI!!!

Only because I have nothing better to do....

 

 

 

 

 

 

That is, unless one of these guys decide to pay me a visit

I was going to put Ass in the title but then Arse hit my mind.

I think my son is a closet drama queen. Well, THAT didn't sound too good!! What I mean is....He has a very canny way of picking up foreign accents and using them very well. I'm telling him all the time that he should go into drama at school that I think he would be very good at it. He just laughs and says "Nope".

Anyway.....Back to the word 'Arse'. It has made its way into my son's vocabulary and for the past few days he has been throwing it out in his little witty, funny ways that he has but last night I had to threaten to beat his good ole American ASS if he didn't curb his English, Irish, Scottish speaking ARSE.

Now... On to MY aching ASS...

Softball practice was Tuesday. Only a few showed up. I don't know everyone's reason but I do know that one guy called and said it was too hot

Excuse me but WTF? It IS summertime and only the BEGINNING of it at that. The games don't start til August...some of our hottest days are in August. Did he not think about the heat before he signed up? Dumbass!!

Ok...so anyway...practice was...practice. Catch, throw, run, bat...do it all over again. I did good until I went to bat. I think I had a little to much 'swing' action when I went to hit the ball. I pulled my ass muscle

I really wish I could say I pulled my ass muscle by having some wild, kinky sex but nope...that's not the way it went down. As boring as it is...I have to be the only one to ever pull the ole ass muscle by swinging a flipping bat

As if my ass muscle being sore wasn't enough. Last night me, the hubby and the kids get out in the yard and play around with batting and catching. Since my ass muscle was still a little sore, I was playing catcher. I thought, ok...this is good...I won't have to run after the ball and I'm not batting so all is good. All I have to do is catch the ball when it's pitched to me.

All went well for the first dozen or so pitches. Then, I think my catching mechanism decided to malfunction because I missed a ball and it hit me in my left shin (which is the same side that my ass muscle aches ) and put a nice size knot there. The next ball fell out of my glove and bounced of my right ankle. I'm a trooper though. I hang in there until the last ball slams right into the top of my left foot and leaves an instant HUGE bruise(dumbass me had on flipflops)). With that last ball, that made THREE sore spots on my left side and one on my right. At that point, I threw the towel in, the glove, the bat, the ball, everything...LOL. That did it. At this rate I won't be able to walk by next practice

 

Who said softball was a good idea????????????????????

Why do people pick their noses in their car like no one else can see them? This absolutely kills me. They will have a finger buried to the first knuckle while sitting at a stoplight and when they see someone looking at them, they pull their hand away quickly. HELLO!! Dumbass….we can see through glass!!!!

 

Why can people NOT cover their mouths when they cough? This pisses me off!! It is absolutely disgusting to have someone’s wet, misty breath ease across your person or even in your space. NASTY!!! Cover your damn mouth!!

 

This goes the same for when you’re talking on the phone. Cover your mouth, take the phone away from your mouth while coughing, then continue with the conversation and if the coughing spell is bad then say your goodbye’s and hang up the damn phone. Don’t continue to hack and gag in someone’s ear. We don’t want to hear it!!

 

I get calls at work all the time where the callers want to know if this is the number to call to get their water turned on or is this where they can pay a bill. When I tell them "No" to both questions, they then proceed to ask me if I know the number or the name of the place that they need to call. When I tell them "No" I don’t have that information, they then ask me, "Well, why does it say ‘water’ in your ad?" (this is said all shitty too). Because DUMBASS…we are in the water business but not YOUR type of water. LEARN TO READ!! The ad is plain as day to anyone who has any sense at all.

 

Other calls I get at work are customers calling in to request service from us. This in itself makes for some really screwed up calls but it is part of my job. The ones that get me are the ones that are generally left on our voice mail overnight and they go something like this:

Caller:    I’d like to report that I have a leak on my pump and we need a technician  here as soon as possible because the water has flooded into the hallway.

That’s it! That’s the call in it’s entirity. No name, no company name, no number, nothing. Now, how the hell do they think we are supposed to fix the damn leak when we don’t know where it is? Then they call back first thing the next morning BITCHING because no one called them back. Well no shit! You didn’t leave a number. We are good but I don’t think we are master mind readers yet. LEAVE THE RIGHT INFORMATION!!!

 

Buffets.....

Buffets bug me just because of what they are. Open aired food with way too many hands going near it. This just isn’t right. That guy that’s in front of you probably didn’t wash his hands after he just came out of the restroom and where is his hand going? Yep…right over top of the food to grab a utensil! UGH!!!! Germ invasion is what it is. I’m not a germaphobic and I’ve been to my fair share of buffets but it’s still just plain NASTY to think that my hand has touched where that man’s has touched and I don’t know what he has touched before he shuffled into the buffet line. It just makes my spine quiver. YUK!!

Another deal with the buffet that irritates the living hell out of me is when someone reaches across your space to get to the rolls, or whatever the hell they are trying to get to. WTF?? Are you that damn hungry? You can’t wait 10 seconds for the line to move up? If you’re in that big of a hurry…do us all a favor and keep your ass at home and eat.

 

Why do women buy shoes that are too small for them? I will never understand this. I can’t stand to see a woman with her toes hanging off the end of her sandals or heels. Does she honestly think those shoes are supposed to fit that way? Does she not see a problem when she looks down and a inch and a half of toes is hanging over the edge? Come on now…get with it. Buy shoes that fit!!! Your toes aren’t that damn pretty to start with so the less of them I have to see, the better.

 

Pigs…...

These are the ones that chew with their mouths open or talk with food in their mouth. This is extremely rude, not to mention just plain gross. Who the hell wants chewed up food falling back into their plate anyway? I don’t want my own chewed up food back on my plate and I damn well don’t want someone else’s chewed up food falling onto my plate. Nothing you are saying is that important to where it can’t wait until you’ve chewed, swallowed and rinsed. If you feel the need to talk while chewing, get your ass up and go talk to the dog. He’ll be happy to suck up your falling bits of disgust!

 

Ladies..(and I use this term very loosely for this comment)….There is absolutely, positively NOTHING sexy, cute or classy about letting your thong hang out over top of your pants!! I don’t want to see your ass floss riding on your lower back when it should be much further South. Instead of digging in the shampoo isle for the right combination to get your hair softer, you really should be over in the panty section buying some panties that actually FIT!!!! And then when you’ve restocked your panty collection, move on over to the jean section and buy a few pair of new jeans that actually COVER your ass!! And IF they cover your ass properly, then they shouldn’t make the front of you carry around a camel toe. That has GOT to be extremely uncomfortable! Please, please, please….go buy you that size 8 pants instead of that size 6 that you are hopelessly squeezing your body parts into and over. Give it up and buy the bigger size. We will all thank you!!! And all the camels of the world will gladly take their toes back!!

 

There...I am done............for now

You know it’s Monday when….

An asshole pulls out in front of you, you have to slam on the brakes and your lunch goes sliding into the floorboard mixing it all up into a big pile of gunk.

Well damn, I just can’t wait to eat THAT later.

 

Oh well…on to the weekend.

We had a graduation party for my oldest on Saturday and I must say that my mama was a HUGE, HUGE help to me in getting this thing to come together like it should. She did most of the running that I needed to do the week my daughter was in the hospital. There just isn’t a big enough THANK YOU that I can say to her for all that she has done.

We were decorating for the party early Saturday morning and we had a sign to go by the road. Mama had bought some helium balloons to tie to the sign, so her and I walk out there to put up the sign and the balloons.

While I’m getting the sign to stay in place, she leans down to help me. We get the sign up like it should be, then she says, “Now, let’s get the balloons tied on here.”

She turns in a complete circle then asks me, “Where did the balloons go?”

I say, “I don’t know, what did you do with them?”

She then says, “I put them right here beside me when I started helping you with the sign.”

I start laughing.

She asks, “What are you laughing at?”

I tell her, “Mama, remember, you took the weight off of the balloons when we were inside so you could tie them to the sign. When you laid them down, they floated away.”

Then she said, “*#&%&^# (@&%*^!” (my mama doesn’t say too many bad words)

I look up in the sky to see where they went (I don’t know why we look for balloons in the sky when we know damn well we can’t get them back) and I see them hung up on the power lines right above our heads.

I told Mama not to worry about it that we’ll put some regular balloons out there and they will work just fine. She doesn’t like my idea at all so she hops in her car, drives the hour + round trip it takes to get more balloons for the damn sign then comes back with a bigger set of balloons than she had to begin with.  

I didn’t say a word, other than Thank You.

This deed seemed to make her extremely happy!

Other than that little glitch with the balloons, the party went great and I won’t have to cook for a week with all the food that was brought back home. Hmmm….I forgot the kids were out of school….make that at least until Wednesday that I won’t have to cook.