I was too busy complaining about my mother on Friday to wish all of you mothers, grandmothers, etc. a happy Mother's Day so...
Happy (late) Mother's Day!!!!! I hope everyone had a very nice day.
It never seems to fail....when I bitch and moan about something that I think is bad, I always get slapped in the face with something that is much worse and it makes my bitching pale in comparison to what some people deal with.
You'd think I'd learn to STOP complaining but hey...it's the way I vent.
Over the weekend, a few things were brought to my attention, two not so good and one good. The thing is…I don’t know what to do about the not so good things or if there IS anything I can do about any of it.
First...
We got a visit from one of my oldest daughter’s friends on Saturday. The two girls were inseparable at one time. They have been friends since middle school and at one time….we’ll call her Sam for the sake of this story…… Sam was almost like a permanent fixture in my house. She ate there, showered there, did homework there, begged to come over when we lost power for a week because of a storm, even though we had no running water. She was just THERE. She was my third daughter. For awhile.
Sam and my daughter went separate ways during the last part of the 11th grade. My daughter has told me over the past couple of years some of the things that Sam was doing. Sam went with the wrong crowd. Made bad choices about drinking and doing drugs. The party mode was the turning point in the relationship between my daughter and Sam. Sam went party crazy while my daughter chose not to.
Through bits and pieces of conversation that my daughter shares with me about talking to Sam, there seems to be some really shady stuff going on. My daughter has even brought it to my attention because she is worried.
We know Sam once worked in a strip club although she claims it was as a waitress. This I only found out about 3 months ago and it threw me for a loop. All I could see when I thought of Sam was the happy go lucky girl that stayed at my house. Now that’s gone. The childhood is gone. She’s only 18.
She’s no longer working at THAT club and says that she is just a regular waitress at a local restaurant. Bullshit. This 18 year old pulls up in my yard in a brand new Mercedes. She has her own apartment that she shares with her cousin but Sam pays ALL the bills….and has a nice little nest egg in the bank…..according to Sam. Bullshit! There is something VERY wrong with this story.
My daughter seems to think that she’s either stripping or has lowered to prostitution. I threw in drug dealing as a thought. Either one of these is not what I’d like to see for Sam. She’s smarter than that and deserves better. She’s had a shitty childhood and has been kicked around by both parents. I’ve gotten involved, unwillingly, in some the BS that surrounds Sam and her parents. It boiled down to neither one of them wanting her but yet they wouldn’t let anyone step in that DID want her. A situation that had hands tied and broke hearts.
When Sam came over on Saturday, it broke my heart. There is just something that bothers me about the whole thing. Aside from the fact that she may be doing any number of illegal things that may kill her. Something is bothering her. That's my take on it. It was something about the look on her face and her actions. There's plenty not right with Sam and her situation but I think it's a very complicated one and I don't even know where to begin.
The second thing of the weekend deals with my brother-in-law (BIL)
I think I’ve mentioned before that he is bipolar. Up down, up down. Anyone that knows anyone with bipolar disorder knows what it’s like. I only know SOME of what it’s like. I don’t live with him and I’m not around him all that much. I know it’s tough. I can’t imagine living with him. I don’t think I could.
He has been off of his meds for about 6 months now. His choice, not a doctor’s order. He has worked at the same company that Hubby does for about 3 or 4 years. I think the only reason he kept the job as long as he did is because Hubby and the boss are pretty tight and Hubby tried his best to keep BIL working. It didn’t work in the end. He lost that job about 2 months ago.
He’s doing nothing to contribute to the money situation of the household. His wife is the only one working trying to support a family of 5. His doctor has tried to get him to go on disability for some time now and he won’t do it. He just thumbs his nose at it but yet he doesn’t do anything for his family.
He’s just about at that breaking point where outside help will be needed again. He flips out and someone is called or they take him to the hospital or whatever it is that they do to get him straight again. It’s just about there.
On the flip side of the coin from this is my husband. He doesn’t understand bipolar any more than I do or like most people don’t. Sure we know the basics but we can’t understand the person that has to deal with being bipolar. We can’t get into their heads and figure it all out. We just sit on the sidelines and try to figure it out the best way we know how. Deal with it the best way we know how. With no real answers.
Hubby gets angry at his brother for being such a dick but I know he gets angry at himself for not being able to do help his brother more. He wants to help BIL but he doesn’t know how. It has really bothered Hubby more so this go round than it has in the past. I think it’s because he’s had a chance to get closer to his brother while BIL was actually on the meds for the past few years and now Hubby is feeling it more than he ever has. It’s understandable. It IS his brother. No one wants to see a family member go through something like this and when they do you always feel as though your hands are tied and that gets very frustrating.
I am able to emotionally separate myself from this situation. I don’t have to witness it first hand. What I hear is second hand. I haven’t seen BIL since Christmas when he acted an ass at his company’s Christmas Party and somehow….I…. got stuck with babysitting Baby Huey. I haven’t witnessed his ‘craziness’ first hand for quite some time and I would be good with NEVER witnessing it again. I’ve seen enough over the years to last me a lifetime. This doesn’t mean that I don’t sympathize with him or what he’s going through. I do. I just choose not to put myself around him unless necessary.
My husband on the other hand, was around him almost everyday when they worked together. There were days when Hubby would come home and bitch about something BIL done and moan and groan about how he wished BIL would find another job. Then there were days when Hubby would come home and talk about how nice it was to actually have a decent conversation with BIL for a change. These are the conversations that brought them closer. These are the conversations that my husband misses. He knows his brother is in that Baby Huey body somewhere waiting to surface again and this is what frustrates Hubby. He feels as I do about Sam….we don’t know where to begin.
So very frustrating. So very exhausting. So very depressing.
On a good note………
My youngest daughter passed up her best friend’s birthday party on Saturday because there was going to be drinking involved. She told me that even if she would have gone, she wouldn’t be drinking but she didn’t want to get in trouble for being there because it would be underage drinking so that’s why she didn’t go.
As a parent, I am sooo proud of her for making this choice. She didn’t have to tell me any of it. She didn’t have to mention anything about drinking. She could’ve come to me and asked me about going to a birthday party for her friend and I wouldn’t have known any different. She could’ve just flat out lied to me and I wouldn’t have been any wiser. She didn’t. She made the choice NOT to go to this party before she ever mentioned it to me. At least I feel that I’ve done SOMETHING right where my kids are concerned.
Well, at least I’ve done something right with my two girls. My son…….well……..let’s just say………I’m already tired.
Once I saw it up close and personal, I was done. I told my daughter to go get her daddy (he was outside) to kill the thing that I wasn't going anywhere NEAR it again.
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