I am convinced that people have a sixth sense when it comes to KNOWING when Hubby and I are trying to have a moment and by moment, I mean dong the dirty, getting our groove on, fanning the sheets, whatever you want to call it....SEX!!!
For those of you who have kids you understand how precious those moments are when they aren't around and you get to have sex without anyone else in the house.
Those have been rare occasions for us with three kids coming and going so we seize every opportunity we can when those rare moments do stumble upon us or at least we try to take advantage of those moments. Sometimes we just don't have our shit together and we have other things to do or whatever the case is so when the opportunity arrived Sunday morning when there were no kids at home, we thought, aha...now we get to have sex with no one home.
Well, it all started with Baxter, our dog.
He hates to be where he can’t see Hubby and is highly jealous of me. This is the same dog that squeezes himself between Hubby and I when we hug. I’m still not completely used to him being a housedog and almost as soon as we got naked, I turned my head to the sound of a huge sigh. When I turned my head, I was looking straight up Baxter’s nostrils. He had his head laid on our bed looking at me as if to say, “Would you hurry up so I can have my daddy back”. After a few choice words from me, Hubby puts Baxter outside and we get back into the groove of things.
The phone rings.
Ok, the phone ringing isn’t really a problem, just don’t answer it. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. “You have reached....”Hi babe, just wanted to see if you were going to be home, I was going to ride out……blah, blah” (My mother). Nothing like your mother’s voice to kill a mood.
So we get over the dog and my mother and once again try to do what we started out to do when Hubby’s cell phone rings. We ignore it. House phone rings right after. It’s a neighbor…”Just wanted to see if y’all were awake.”
Dammit!! Why can’t people just leave us alone. We ignore the neighbor's phone call.
Five minutes later, idiot neighbor that called pulls in the driveway. We ignore the blowing of the horn but he then decides to come to the back door and knock. When we ignore the knocking, he then moves to our kitchen window and starts yelling in our window, “I know you’re in there…..come out and play with me.” We try to ignore him but he doesn’t go away and he doesn’t shut up so Hubby finally goes outside to find out what the hell he wants. After about 20 minutes and the neighbor getting whatever it was that he needed to borrow, Hubby comes back in the house and we try to have some fun, yet again.
I shit you not; it couldn’t have been five minutes after the neighbor left that someone else pulled up. Hubby and I look at each other and bust out laughing. This just can’t be happening. No kids and we still can’t have sex!!!
Fortunately, this guy was only there to pick up his hunting dog that had wandered into our yard and when he knocked a couple of times, he got the hint and left.
NOW…..we can get back to the business at hand. FINALLY!!!
As the sound of the dog guy’s truck goes away, we notice another sound. At first we thought someone else was pulling in the driveway but it hit us both at the same time…..4-wheeler. The sound was coming from the back yard.
Surprise, surprise!!
Our son was home.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!
I give up.
It’s just not meant for us to have sex when we’re alone!
Needless to say, I shut the door and went the other way scrubbing my hands on my pants feeling contaminated just because I touched the handle 
. 
“Uh…yeah you did. I really hope that’s not what you meant”
. No wonder my hair felt funny 
