Have you ever had one of those days when EVERYTHING you touch turns to shit?
Well today is that day for me.
It started before I got out of bed this morning.
I woke up somewhere around 3am, freezing my ass off. Since it’s been warm during the earlier part of the week, we haven’t had any reason to start up the woodstove. Last night it got COLD. Neither hubby or I thought about starting a fire because it was fairly warm in the house when we went to bed and I don’t think either one of us realized it was going to get as cold as it did. Because of that lapse in judgement on both of our parts, my whole body was doing the shimmy and shake thing at 3am.
I tried to snuggle up next to hubby but every time I’d slide behind him, he’d twist and turn so I finally gave up on that and got up to pee.
Can we say COLD toilet seat….at 3am?????? OMG!!! I thought my ass was going to stick to the seat like the tongue of the kid on the pole from "A Christmas Story." (Ok…slight exaggeration there but you get my drift)
After doing my business, I climb back into bed (stealing all the covers from hubby) and curl up praying for sleep. It didn’t come too soon. I tossed and turned, twisted and flopped. I punched each pillow a dozen times, turning them this way, then that way. I COULD NOT get comfortable.
I thought about reading a book to try to get sleepy but then I figured I’d get caught up in the story and not want to go back to sleep so I scratched that idea. I finally just lay there, looking up at the ceiling, bitching in my head about being so stupid as not to have started a fire.
The next thought that popped into my mind was the water slides at some theme parks. The ones that are fully enclosed and your sliding through the tube on your back with your feet out in front of you. Now I have no idea where this thought came from but I got this split second picture in my mind that "What if an overly large (not sure of the PC word here) person were to get stuck inside this tube?" Once this thought entered my mind, I started breathing (literally) heavier. I have this thing about enclosed places and being stuck and all I could think about was "What if I got stuck in one of those tubes?" I’d die of a panic attack. Damn, just thinking about it had me breathing all funky. I can’t imagine actually being stuck in one of those things.
It’s funny how the mind works. That was the last thought I remember having before I dozed back off.
Once I was up for good for the day, it didn’t get any better.
I had to stop this morning and buy a birthday present for one of the ladies here at work (because I forgot about it and should have done it last night).
My oldest daughter is with me because I need to drop her off at work later in the morning. We pop into Wal-Mart (thank God for 24 hour Wally World) and I get the gift, the card, the wrappings and we’re out in about 15 minutes (not bad timing if I do say so myself).
We jump back in the car and I notice I’ve only got 5 minutes to get to work. I’m about 8 minutes from work so I think to myself "Phew…I’m only gonna be a minute or so late...not bad"
Two minutes later, I realize that I forgot to buy milk (which was on MY list of stuff to buy for the birthday thingy at work). Damn...damn...damn.…now I need to go to the other store down the road and buy a gallon of milk.
On the way to the other store, I’m ranting to my daughter about how I was just gonna say "Screw it…so what if I’m late….I’m never late….my boss is late EVERY morning….blah, blah, blah". I’m sure she was tuning me out.
Anyway, I get to the store and guess what……….NO MILK! I did notice they had beer though. The evil side of my brain thought "I should just buy a case of beer and say happy fucking birthday………the case is MINE." But the nice part of the brain thought better of that scenario so I bought sodas instead.
I get back in the car and tell my daughter, "I hope this is not going to be how the rest of my day goes"
I should have KNOWN right then that it would be. Murphy’s Law follows me around like my shadow.
I finally get to work, 15 minutes late. I sit the present on the floor in the other ladies office, tell her "Happy Birthday" and come to my desk to put my stuff down. I ask my daughter where the birthday card was (I still needed to sign it). She proceeds to tell me that it was in the bag with her present. Well that’s just fucking great. I had to go back in her office, dig in her birthday bag and retrieve the unsigned card…all while she’s looking at me like "What the fuck are you doing rummaging around in MY present?"
I sign the card, stuff it back in the back and pat myself on the back for not buying that case of beer (which was looking better and better by the moment).
Once the whole birthday cake and ice cream thing was out of the way, I was ready to start my workday.
After I nudge my daughter from my desk chair, I flop and get my computer going. I take a deep breath and think "Finally, let’s get this day started on a better note."
Wrong…wrong…wrong……
NOTHING wanted to work this morning. It must be the Good Friday thing. Even the computer thought it should be a vacation day. None of the programs wanted to come up and I spent an hour fighting UPS to track a package. And they want to know what Brown can do for me?" Brown can’t do a damn thing FOR me but I know what I’d like to tell Brown to do.
So by this time, it’s time for me to leave and take my daughter to work and carry myself off to the dentist for my week check-up after the gum surgery.
I’m carrying on a conversation with my daughter while we’re going down the road and the next thing I notice is that I took a wrong turn. Not a major mistake, because I can still get her to work from the wrong turn direction, it’s just slightly out of the way but it irritated the hell out of me.
I drop her off at work and pull back onto the road only to see MILES of cars in front of me. Well fuck!! There is no other way around the traffic to go where I need to go so I am stuck. Inch…creep…inch….creep. And not even a decent radio in the piece of shit car I am driving right now. All I get is fuzz or static filled tunes. There is nothing worse than being stuck in traffic with nothing to listen to.
I finally get to my appointment and on time. I was surprised.
I didn’t even to get to warm up the waiting room chair before they called me to the back. Which is cool. I absolutely HATE waiting rooms. I get to the back, sit in those ridiculous chairs and the girl wraps that blue bib thing around my neck, snagging my hair. "That’s ok honey, I didn’t need hair in THAT spot anyway."
While I’m waiting for the dentist to come poke his fingers in my still sore mouth, I’m looking around the room. They have some really weird looking shit in a dentist office. No wonder I need drugs to walk into one. Some of that stuff looks pretty lethal.
Anyway…as my eyes move about the room, I notice there are two holes in the wall. I have no idea how or why they are there. They just are. It looks like someone tried to patch them but didn’t do a very good job. I’m thinking to myself, "Hmm..wonder what the dentist will do with all that fucking money he just got out of me because he damn sure isn’t investing in décor and repairs."
Oh well…at least my gums are healing like they should.
After I leave the dentist office, I notice that the gas gauge is hovering just BELOW the E. Holy crap…I hope it makes it to the gas station.
It does. I pull up next to the pump, get out, go around the car, twist the cap off the the tank, turn around to get the pump going and there in big bold letters………."OUT OF ORDER." Well isn’t that just fucking wonderful!!!
Well let’s just say that I let go with a string of not so lovely words at this point and apparently was a little louder than I thought because I got some strange looks from an elderly gentleman across the way from me.
I smiled, got back in the car and pulled up to the next pump, got my gas and went back to work.
That brings me to the here and now.
I’m sitting here refusing to do much of anything other than vent my frustrations out here and counting down the hours until I can go back and buy that case of beer.