1. I love to read. Sometimes I read more than one book at a time.

2.  Speaking of books…I always have fines at the library for returning books late

3.  Was late to work yesterday. Was trying to burn a CD and lost track of time. Never did get the it  burned yesterday morning. Ran out the door in a hurry, leaving everything on.

4.  Above mentioned CD was a flop. After spending almost an hour last night trying to get everything worked out and finally getting the damn thing burnt, I found out the CD had scratches all over it when I went to play it. GRRRRRRRR. I didn’t mess with it anymore last night for fear of what I might have done to the computer at that point. I had enough time this morning to burn it….yayyyy!!! Finally!! But guess what....it sucks!!!

5.  My kids spend most of their summer at their aunt’s house. It has been this way for the past few years. We always joke and tell her we should send her child support since we basically get visitation for a couple days a week, if that. I miss my kids though… the peace and quiet is nice but sometimes it gets to be too much.  I guess sometimes I thrive on chaos!!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole?

(These were sent to me by email...too funny to pass up)

 

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

 

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."  

 

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean.

Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No."

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled.

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

 

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?

A true story.

We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"   

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!



While on a flight from New York , the Stewardess was busy passing
out peanuts and cokes to everyone.

There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance
to take off.

Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the
tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in
line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.

Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks
and hold your nuts, we're taking off!".

No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston.